What is a toxic person?
Of course, there’s a difference betweenbeingtoxic andactingtoxic.
Sometimes without knowing it, these toxic behaviors can take us over.
Signs of a toxic person.
You’re always sarcastic.
You deal with conflict in a roundabout way.
It’s a cancer in relationships.
The fix:Know thatdifficult conversationsare scarier in our heads than in realitywe simply haven’t had enough practice.
The more you have these conversations, the easier they become.
Everything is a competition.
The first is where you show you resonate with the other person and use that empathy to connect.
The second is acompetition.
Importantly, we need to be aware of these biases and to realize that pain isn’t a competition.
Regardless of a person’s diagnosable condition or lifestyle, pain is pain.
Sometimes, honesty is the best gift we can give ourselves, no matter how scary it is.
This way, we can truly have empathy for ourselves and others.
You turn everything into a joke.
So we venture to escape via lightheartedness.
The fix:It’s OK. You don’t need to have the answer to everything right now.
Simply say, “I feel a little uncomfortable and uncertain because I’m not used to this.”
You want to fix everyone and everything.
Or maybe you simply love to provide solutions.
The fix:Here’s the deal.
What we can do instead is ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”
If they say no, offer to be here if they change their minds.
And if a person did not ask for advice, simply say, “I have a suggestion.
Would you like to hear it?”
Additionally, recognize that you don’t need to fix everyone.
You secretly crave disaster because of the care you receive from it.
When we want to make a change, there are usually two sides of us in conflict.
One side desires transformation, but the other doesn’tbecause it has something to gain from the status quo.
Tough times happen, and we get stuck in a Groundhog Day rut.
You think pointing out someone’s flaws will help them to change.
If you do this, know that it’s hurtful and alienating.
Adding salt to the wound only triggers more shame and anxiety.
Then leave the ball in their court.
You tell everyone to “just change” their mindset.
Karla was frantic and sad and then furious with said friend.
But it is irrational to put a rational filter over everything.
The fix:The only way to master your emotions and difficult situations is to feel them.
Let them earnestly convey their emotions out loud to you without judgment.
You push your truth on others.
When they are ready and start asking you, you’re free to gently launch the conversation.
What causes people to become toxic?
We’re fundamentally copycatswe learn behaviors by modeling others, and sometimes we have the wrong role models.
And so our toxic behaviors grow.
But having them in one chapter of our lives doesn’t mean we’re condemned to them forever.
As you start to detox, take pride in your growth.
The takeaway.
Just because we’ve had some bad behaviors isn’t cause for shame.
Rather, knowing that we’ve transcended them is actually cause for pride.
Acknowledgment is the first step of that journey.
