Leaving anabusive relationshipis one of the toughest things someone will ever do.
It makes you feel uncertain.
You’ll inevitably doubt yourself.
Eventually, I just gave up mascara completely.
J.K. Rowling once said, “Rock bottom was the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
Bit by bit, I took hold of my life, and it beamed back at me.
Having reclaimed my beauty, I no longer cared what he said to put me down.
These days, I tell my clients to never underestimate the power ofself-loveand feeling beautifulwhatever that means to you.
Without thinking, I said, “We won’t be together next Christmas.”
He was furious and accused me of being negative.
On some level, they knew that’d be their last Christmas together.
Over the years, I made so many compromises.
I knew I couldn’t marry him, have children with him, or own a house with him.
Three months before I left, my vision of the future changed.
In it were a loving, stable relationship and a home.
Not seeing him in my future plans gave me a sense of peace.
It affirmed to me that I was ready for a life without him.
Pay attention to your hopes and dreams.
Invest your energy in them, and breathe life into them.
And notice when your abuser starts to feature less and less in them.
Like most people, I’d always told myself I would never stay with someone who abuses me.
Once I was able to imagine my life without him, I was able to acknowledge the truth.
He did it because it gratified him.
And that empowered me to leave in a more profound way than anything had before.
You eventually start to get the abuse on record.
Youll have to remind yourself continuously that its your right to feel safe and be safe.
It is not your responsibility to protect your abuser.
What would they think?
They asked me, “How are things with your partner?”
They didn’t judge me.
Instead, they offered me spare beds, helpful contacts, and emotional support.
I just needed to stop keeping it a secret.
Eight days later, I left.
Being around him repulsed me more and more over time.
I was trying to eradicate all traces of him.
I gradually reconnected with my friends and committed to spending time with genuine, kind people.
Eventually, I started to avoid men completely.
Despite his heart-tugging stories of being cheated on, I knew that was controlling and unhealthy.
That’s because your gut is telling you that you deserve so much better than your abusive partner.
Your mind is preparing you for your next chapter.
Importantly, you’re in themost danger just before and after you leave an abuser.
Always, alwayshave an escape planthat puts your safety first.
“Clients who choose the blue pill clearly want to keep working on their relationship.
They aren’t still there because of a fear of the pain of a breakup,” he says.
They are there because of the fear of breaking up."
Perform that thought experiment on yourself.
And then remind yourself that our brains have the capacity to amplify anxiety.
Yes, the drama of ending the relationship can be ugly.
But when you sit down and work through the details, you’ll realize you might craft a plan.
You’ll realize it is doable.
The takeaway
Your abuser will notice you regaining your strength, separating from them.
It will unsettle them, and the abusive behavior will heighten.
They will make you pay for daring to shine or for having the audacity to stand up to them.
Fight for your stubbornness.
Fight for your future.
When you’re ready, here’s a few tips onhow to leave an abusive relationship.
