Have you ever met someone who feels like nothing ever goes right for them?
When they talk about their problems, they often blame other people and shy away from taking personal responsibility.
If you know someone who has a pattern of negativity and self-sabotage, they may have a victim complex.
What is a victim complex?
It’s also much different from someone speaking up about legitimate societal injustices.
Someone with a victim complex is fully focused on themselves and their own problems," Mateer says.
Signs of a victim complex:
They ruminate about bad times.
They blame others for mistakes.
It’s never their fault.
If something bad happened at work, they blame it on their boss.
During a breakup, they complain endlessly about their ex and how they were mistreated.
In each situation, they’re the helpless victim and everyone else is the perpetrator.
They rarely take accountability.
Mateer shares a classic sign of victimization is being unable to reflect on what they might have contributed.
(“My co-worker has it out for me!
It’s always about the other person and what they’re doing to inflict harm.
They monopolize the conversation.
They need to be right.
Life is rarely black and white.
In conflicts, it’s tough to see someone as completely right or wrong.
There are always learning and gray areas to navigate on both sides.
People’s roles, expectations, and emotions feel absolute.
No matter what, in every situation, the victim was pushed around.
They hold grudges.
They’re highly suspicious and mistrustful.
They don’t look for a solution forward.
Because of this strong identification, the victim rarely takes an empowered stance for their behavior and cognitive distortions.
What causes a victim complex?
Such experiences may have formed the basis for the way they view the world.
Betrayal of trust
People with a victim complex had early childhood experienceswhere their trust was violated.
Fear of exploitation
Seeing a person act selfishly or convey unfair behavior can feel grimy.
With people who suffer from victim sensitivity, it brings strong, sustaining feelings of indignation and anger.
Their actions feel reactionary to avoid being attacked.
Negative self-talk
Developing an anchored, consistentsense of selfallows you to move through life with stability.
For people with a victim complex, they often have a negative self-concept.
When parents have a victim complex.
First and foremost,emotionally unsafe parentingleads you to internalize your parents' blame and criticism as self-criticism.
Is the victim complex tied to narcissism?
Recent research3suggests that whilevictimhood is a defining characteristic of narcissism, the origins are distinctly different.
They want to avoid being hurt again.
How to deal with someone with a victim complex.
“Oftentimes, those with a victim complex gravitate toward people who they think can save them.
Set clear boundaries.
Be mindful in your interactions.
“Avoid engaging in arguments over whether or not they are actually hurt,” Williams suggests.
“Their feelings are valid to them even if they do not make sense to you.”
Affirm them of their own power.
The victim complex originally starts because of a fundamental distrust in the world.
Remind them they have autonomy over how situations play out.
Encourage your loved one to get professional support.
Williams recommends therapy as an effective way to explore their beliefs and heal from their hurt.
The takeaway.
Holding space with someone who has a victim complex isn’t always easy.
And if you’re someone who may be sensitive to victimization, know that change starts with self-awareness.
