Not all besties are goodfor you just like relationships, friendships can be unhealthy, too.
One common characteristic of a toxic friendship is codependency.
What is codependency in a friendship?
Without them, friends become “enmeshed” in one another and, yes, dependent on each other.
It’s impossible to engage in self-care if you’re not in touch with your own needs and feelings!
“We all love our friends.
Usually there’s one person who’s always the giver and one who’s always the taker.
Signs of a codependent friendship:
One person always needs rescuing.
One friend spends a lot of time trying to fix the other friend’s problems.
They rarely receive the same attentive energy in return from the “taker.”
One friend often feels depleted after hanging out.
“Giver” friends often genuinely enjoy listening and helping out.
You often put your friend’s needs before your own, or vice versa.
This is one of the most “glaring signs” that a friendship is codependent, Marchenko says.
Codependent friendships have porous boundaries, so it’s easy for one person’s needs to overrule.
It becomes difficult to even define where one person’s needs end and the other person’s begin.
If one person is upset, the other person is too.
Codependent friends may also share emotions.
If one person becomes upset, the other person experiences the same feelings.
(Here’sthe difference between empathy and codependency.)
It’s hard to assert individual choices or opinions in the friendship.
Codependent friends eventually end up in a situation of enmeshment, according to Marchenko.
They may feel guilty at the mere thought of it.
One or both people rely on the friendship.
When two friends are codependent, they’re overly reliant on each other to satisfy each of their needs.
One friend feels jealous if the other person gets close to someone else.
A codependent friendship can involve controlling or jealous behavior.
What to do if someone is codependent on you:
1.
Figure out how you got here.
Often, it’s rooted in an old childhood family dynamic.
Practice putting yourself first.
Establishing boundaries is an ongoing practice.
If the word “no” isnt in your vocabulary, now’s the time to try saying it.
Be prepared for a major shift.
Itispossible that the “taker” friend won’t be as interested in the friendship once it becomes balanced.
They’ll even beexcitedabout itbecause it means they get to learn more about the real you.
What to do if you’re codependent on a friend:
1.
That’s Boundaries 101.
Learn how to take care ofyourself.
Healthy friendships don’t require one person to be perpetually on-call as a sounding board or problem-solver.
Instead of over-relying on your friend, you could practice boundaries by taking more responsibility for your own needs.
Take care ofyourselfby journaling, expanding your support system, and practicing solo activities.
If you find this shift difficult, it’s wise to seek professional therapy for help, Marchenko advises.
Give more, take less.
What a healthy friendship looks like.
Unlike codependent friendships, healthy ones have “strong, established boundaries,” Marchenko explains.
Each person is aware of their needs and desires, and they’re free to live their own lives.
), then a healthier path for your friendship is possible.”
Healthy friendshipsdon’trequire one person to stay in the “giver” role constantly, Lurie explains.
Instead, there’s a sense of turn-taking.
Importantly, there’s also accountability for both parties.
Nobody’s perfect, after all.
But with mutual empathy and self-awareness, both friends can care for each other while also caring for themselves.
