Sexual desire is a complicated phenomenon and so many things can affect desire individually and between two people.
Society sets us up to believe that this only happens for women.
But the truth is that men can also struggle withdesire.
And sometimes people withhold sex out of anger and frustration.
For many people, stress and worry shut down the systems that would create sexual desire.
Health issues
Overall health, disease, and medications can all play a role in sexual interest.
Certain conditions, like heart disease and diabetes, can affect sexual functioning as well aslibido.
Some medications can dampen sexual desire as well as sexual responsiveness.
This reactive sexual desire requires getting started, an opportunity to emerge.
Anxiety or fear about performance
Men can be under a tremendous burden to “perform.”
If any of this is a struggle, sex can become stressful and risky rather than pleasurable.
It’s common toavoid sexwhen it sets you up to feel like a failure.
We do things because they’re efficient, they work, they get us from A to B.
But that can also get boring.
We know what to expect, and there’s no intrigue left.
There isn’t one answer to what it means if your husband doesn’t want sex anymore.
It’s important to figure out which of the above reasons apply to him.
While any of those could be true, there are other explanations that aren’t so dire.
Sexual challenges are normal.
The fact that your husband avoids sex now is most likely rooted in these types of negative consequences.
It’s also common to believe that nothing can revitalize a dreary sex life, that asexless relationshipis hopeless.
Most of the reasons men avoid sex are rooted in changes or feelings that are difficult for them.
They may feel guilty, ashamed, or self-conscious.
Adopt a positive attitude of wanting to truly understand what’s happening and work on it as a team.
You may have to be persistent if he doesn’t jump into the conversation with you.
Get help from a therapist if it’s possible for you to’t make progress on your own.
Talk about the things that have been difficult, and commit to working toward a win/win solution.
check that the two of you are best friends and teammates in life.
Get out of the rut and do something different.
Take longer with foreplay, get physical in a different room, or wear something new to bed.
Just being willing to get a littlecreativetogether can infuse energy into your sex life.
Agree to drop all expectations
Stop thinking aboutsex as being about one particular activityor any particular outcome.
Show up to play together and enjoy whatever happens.
For folks with more reactive desire, this helps them get started.
For anyone worried about performance, this takes the pressure off.
Treat sex as just a way to be physically intimate, no matter what happens.
There are so many things that can makesexdifficult, and sexual difficulty creates sexual avoidance.
