If youve ever struggled withtrust issues in a relationship, youre not alone.
Trusting your partner can be challenging, especially if youve experienced infidelity or betrayal in the past.
Maybe your ex cheated, and now you dont feel confident about your current relationship.
No matter what your experience has been, learning how to trust your partner can be a vulnerable process.
Where trust comes from in a relationship.
What exactly does it mean to trust someone in a relationship, and what makes a partner trustworthy?
When we trust someone, we believe and expect that their word is true and their intentions are genuine.
Mutual trust, she explains, can often be established and reinforced through time and consistency.
But trust is not necessarily a given in a relationship, and its often very much a choice.
Theres vulnerability in trust…we are choosing to open ourselves up to someone.
There are many factors that can impact whether or not someone seems trustworthy.
And we get enough evidence over time to see that trust is actually warranted.
Where trust issues come from.
Specific reasons look different for everyone, and every relationship is unique.
This is one of the most cognitively upsetting events for people.
What relationships did you witness growing up?
Was it easy or difficult to trust others?
Were there any significant moments where trust was broken?
Cook agrees that early family experiences can leave a lasting impression.
Regardless of the scenario, betrayal hurts and it can be difficult to accept.
According to Cook, you may be asking questions like, Is this person who they say they are?
Are they actually going to be there for me and then change their mind?
Trust issues can also emergeafter youve been ghostedwhen someone whoseemsinterested suddenly…isnt anymore.
Betrayal registers as a traumawith lasting repercussions for future relationships, Vinall adds.
And while its totally possible totrust again after being cheated on, the process can take a while.
This fear can make it more difficult to trust people around you.
Once again, these patterns can usually be traced back to childhood.
Heres what therapists recommend.
Practice acceptance and self-compassion.
Realizing you have trust issues can bring up insecurity, anxiety, and even embarrassment.
You may feel overwhelmed, isolated, and unsure about your future.
But remember: Youre not alone in your experience, and its incredibly common to struggle with trust.
First, admit that trust is a challenge for you, Vinall suggests.
Then,be kind to yourselfand remember that overcoming your fears and uncertainty is entirely possible.
Reflect on where the trust issues began.
Vinall recommends identifying why your trust issues started in the first place.
Explore the source of this trust deficit, she says.
Has it arisen in previous relationships, or is it exclusive to the present scenario?
Psychotherapy,journaling, meditation, and other healing practices can help support your reflection process.
Show your inner child some love.
Consider journaling or therapy to help heal inner or childhood wounds, Vinall says.
Consider therapy or counseling.
Unpacking your trust issues can be vulnerable, but having a licensed professional to guide you could help.
Communicate your thoughts, emotions, and needs.
Although your impulse may be to close yourself off, Cook says that opening up can be powerful.
With trust, theres such a key element of vulnerability in it.
You could get your heart broken, she says.
and gradually start inviting your partner into what youre feeling.
Focus on a persons behavior, not only words.
Do they say they love you but ghost when you need them most?
Although sorting out trust issues can feel dizzying, Vinall says to follow yourgut instinct.
Chances are, its probably trying to tell you something.
When unsure, move slowly.
How to rebuild trust again after betrayal.
Building trust after a betrayal is a big deal.
First, Okerayi suggests carving out intentional time to recognize and honor your emotions.
Take some space and process your feelings, she says.
From there, Cook recommendscommunicating openly with your partnerwhen you feel ready.
Its also important to figure out if the betrayal was a one-off circumstance or anongoing pattern, Cook explains.
If the choice is, I choose to step back from this, honor that, Cook says.
No matter what path you choose, Vinall says to take the healing journey slowly.
There is no way to rush this relational healing process.
FAQ:
How do you get over trust issues?
To get over trust issues, its important to examine what theyre stemming from and why.
Although it can be hard, remember that trusting someone again can ultimately be a healing experience.
Why is it hard for me to trust my partner?
How can I know I can trust my partner?
The takeaway.
Every time we open ourselves up to love and relationships, we are risking getting hurt, Cook says.
It could actually be a corrective experience to see that you’ve got the option to trust someone.
Ideally, your partner should make you feel safe, secure, and free from anxiety.
Know that trusting again is entirely possible, even if it doesnt always feel easy.
