Picture this: Your partner comes to you and brings up something you did yesterday that upset them.
They seem pretty frustrated about it.
But youre a little taken abackbecause you dont think there was anything wrong with what you did.
So, you explain all that to them.
Why are you getting so defensive?
Im not being defensive!
And thats not being defensive, right?
…Or is it?
How to know when youre being defensive.
Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn.
If your goal is to walk away from the conversation without any fault, youve missed the point.
How defensive behavior impacts relationships.
Listen, weve all been there.
But the problem is, defensiveness is anathema to connection.
We prioritize protecting our ego over caring for our partner and our relationship.
There are very few scenarios in which we truly need to defend our point of view.
Defensiveness can have disastrous consequences for a relationship.
How to stop being defensive.
Set a new goal for these conversations.
First things first: Make an active effort to reframe your mindset in these conversations.
Validate your partner’s perspective.
You’re actively making cognitive adjustments to see things from their vantage point.
Find something it’s possible for you to accept responsibility for.
Reiterate these points while explaining your side.
Avoid attempts to downplay your faults or their feelings about the situation.
Make peace with being at fault.
Lastly, remember: Its okay to have upset someone.
We all unintentionally irritate or hurt our loved ones from time to time.
