Once you return home from errands, you wind up making dinner since they are a self-professed bad cook.
Pushing off these domestic tasks once in a while isn’t a big deal.
What is weaponized incompetence?
This forces you to have to do it by yourself and pick up the slack.
Summary
Where does weaponized incompetence happen?
Signs of weaponized incompetence in a relationship
You hear these common phrases a lot.
“Relationships are about the balance of give-and-take,” Schiff says.
“It is reasonable that your partner may not know how to do something.
If you think they’re lying about their abilities or they’regaslightingyou, pay attention to those signals.
(And note, weaponized incompetence can also happen subconsciouslybut that doesn’t make it any less manipulative.)
You feel taken advantage of.
You feel alone in the relationship.
You don’t trust your partner.
Even when they are able to do it, you may expect you’ll have to redo it afterward.
Frustration is a common emotion.
“Continued weaponized incompetence contributes to burnout, distrust, and eventually resentment,” Schiff says.
Meanwhile, their partner ends up feeling annoyed and defeated.
The relationship feels stagnant.
After a while, being together doesn’t feel growth-oriented.
(We’ve got afull guide to sharing household work more fairlythat can help you shape this conversation.)
Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t feel like you’re making a lot of progress at first.
Schiff points out it’ll require multiple dialogues and continuous open communication to remove this dynamic from the relationship.
Weaponized incompetence isn’t so cut-and-dried either.
You don’t want to accuse them of something they are not doing,” Phillips says.
That’s why a transparent conversation where you’re willing to hear out both sides is essential.
“Look at it like an opportunity to teach them.
You never know; this can be an intimacy builder.”
The takeaway
Weaponized incompetence can negatively affect even the best relationships.
One person can’t do all the work in the relationshipnot even to save it.
You deserve to have a relationship marked with genuine reciprocation and mutual teamwork.
