Below are the most crucial steps to take when recovering from narcissistic abuse:
1.
You immediately need to work onlowering your levels of fear and anxiety.
Narcissistic rage is something awful to behold and can be terribly frightening to have aimed directly at you.
The narcissist wants you to feel threatened and anxious so you could’t think.
Then you’ll more easily give in to what they want.
Narcissists believe that you deserve to feel bad for causing them to feel and look like a failure.
A humiliated narcissist can be quite menacing and intimidating.
Take steps immediately to protect yourself both physically and psychologically.
Taking action can help defuse your fear.
It would be ideal if you did these things during the first days after separation.
(Here’s ourfull guide on how to leave an abusive relationshipin the safest possible way.)
The sooner you do them, the sooner you’ll start feeling in control.
This is the time to remember to breathe.
This may sound simplistic, but it is essential that you consciously pay attention to your breathing.
People in fear have a tendency to stop breathing or to hyperventilate.
Both of these reactions interfere with oxygen getting to your brain, heart, and other primary organs.
Not breathing will also trigger your freeze response.
So breathing is essential for your mental health and your physical needs.
Sit or lie down somewhere comfortable and quiet.
Put one hand over your heart and one hand on your diaphragm.
Then slowly breathe out, feeling your lungs deflate and your shoulders drop.
Do this to the count of fourfour counts on the in-breath and four counts on the out-breath.
Most people find that doing this breathing series even four or five times starts the relaxation process.
If you are in deep distress, you may need to do this for 10 to 20 minutes.
This exercise is not a waste of time.
It brings your cognitive functions back online.
Used carefully, these medications can help you keep your panic in check.
Talk with your doctor about what you are going through and ask what is right for you.
No one can deal alone with the kind of situation you are going through.
It is necessary for both your emotional and physical health.
The best way to protect yourself from a hostile narcissist is to disengage.
Now is the time to think about your own emotional needs.
I want to reinforce this recommendation.
Disengagement is more than not talking, texting, emailing, or interacting (althoughthe no-contact ruleis critical).
It also includes emotionally letting go.
To emancipate yourself from the narcissist, you have to quit caring what they think of you.
You also need to let go of any dependence on the narcissistemotional, physical, and financial.
If you have young children, it may take years to completely disengage.
Disengagement means taking back control of your life instead of letting the narcissist determine your feelings.
(Here’s more onhow to get over a narcissist, emotionally speaking.)
At work, you try your best to be cordial, even when you don’t like somebody.
You may disagree, but there is no name-calling, rude remarks, or hostile body language.
You don’t cry, beg, or share your intimate feelings with your work associates.
Your interactions will go better with the narcissist if you follow this same model.
They now see you as the enemy.
Being businesslike gives you more power.
Be calm and rational, stick close to the topic, and refuse to be sidetracked.
Don’t be intimidated or embarrassed by the narcissist’s horrible behavior.
It’s all right for information about the narcissist’s genuinely dreadful side to be visible to others.
This makes the truth about their behaviors clear.
I’m not suggesting that you gossip or talk derogatorily about the narcissist.
Simply state facts without covering them up.
Stop apologizing for the narcissist, and quit dismissing or explaining their rude and negative behaviors.
You do not want to bad-mouth the narcissist to friends, family, or your children.
Speak only the truth about the actual behaviors and words of the narcissist.
Take the best possible care of yourself.
Actively taking care of your body automatically improves your self-esteem and prepares you to handle challenges.
Moving your body helps balance your breathing, brings oxygen to your brain, and gets your heart pumping.
These actions help keep you from shutting down emotionally or dropping into depression.
Get a massage, sit in a hot tub, or do whatever helps you to relax.
Make your own physical well-being a priority.
(Here’s ourfull guide to getting over a breakup, including healthy habits and self-care recommendations.)
I also recommend that you keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings.
It’s surprisingly calming and validating to put down on paper your experiences and insights.
Now is not the time to be stingy with yourself.
Invest in your health and healing.
Put your time and money into services that provide good emotional care.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is good sense.
