“I will be happy when…”
Insert anything you would like to happen.
Have you ever made a statement like this?
This sentiment is very common: It’s the idea that our happiness depends on something outside of us.
What is emotional independence?
Functioning in this way affects our sense of peace because factors outside of us continually ebb and flow.
People’s opinions of us are outside of our control.
With emotional independence, your sense of self remains intact because of your inherent belief in yourself.
How to become emotionally independent:
Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the act of paying attention to the present moment.
We cannot heal what we are not aware of.
Therefore, mindfulness can help us increase awareness around the patterns of behaviors and thoughts that maintain emotional dependence.
Identify your “why.”
Rewire your thinking.
Write down the thoughts and beliefs that keep you emotionally dependent.
Practice self-compassion.
Ask yourself, what are you avoiding by being emotionally dependent on another person?
Is it loneliness, sadness, fear of rejection?
Pay attention to what lies beneath feeling emotionally dependent on another person and give compassion to the underlying feelings.
Here’s what giving yourself compassion might sound like: “It is OK to experience sadness and loneliness.
There is nothing wrong with me for feeling uncomfortable with rejection.”
In a sense, practicing self-compassion is a form of self-soothing when we are feeling overwhelmed with emotion.
Learn self-validation.
Oftentimes, emotional dependence intertwines with being a people-pleaser.
This looks like shrinking yourself and shifting your boundaries to get to accommodate someone else.
Here’s what that might sound like: “My feelings make sense.
It is OK to feel what I am feeling.
I am allowed to set boundaries.”
Self-validation is helpful in giving space to your feelings.
Then practice saying those words to yourself.
Practice letting go.
Emotional dependence is when we feel like we can’t be OK unless someone else is OK with us.
