Let’s say you just had an incredible night with the new person you’re seeing.

The conversation crackled; the hours over dinner flew by.

Come Monday, though, you start to feel that something isn’t right.

Emily Gaudette

You end up feelinganxious, confused, and lonely when the weekend rolls around.

That means your partner’s actions have roots in experiences they likely had long before they met you.

The back-and-forth has much more to do with them than it does with you.

Kristina Hallett, Ph.D., ABPP

Summary

Here are five signs that you may be dating an avoidant.

The key difference is that they’ll also feela compulsion to distance themselvesfrom those they’re getting close to.

To you, this might seem like your partner is avoiding conflict or beingpassive-aggressive.

It may also manifest in normal conversations.

In their 2017 paper,Jeffry Simpson, Ph.D., andW.

It could be a sign that they’ve learned to suppress their vulnerable emotions over time.

They will always take that playful criticism and run with it in their heads.

You’ll have to tiptoe between assuring them that things are OK without playing into their fears.

And you could’t love your partner without loving yourself.

It might look like therapy, or meditation, or spending time with platonic friends.

That’s the bad news.

It’s just that you might need to be extra mindful of certain things.

While dating someone who’s an avoidant isn’t easy, it is possible.

They may be able to change their attachment style over time with your support.