Up, down, high, low, good, bad, black, white, push, pull.
With most forms of emotional abuse, the victim is left feeling powerless, worthless, and broken inside.
These wounds don’t leave visible scars, although they’re just as painful as any physical injury.
We pick up the pieces and put our lives back together as best we can.
And sometimes, the best we can do is patchwork.
We go back to our daily existence thinking everything is fine but something still seems different.
Many survivors describe two different selves: “before abuse” and “after abuse.”
Numbness
You isolate yourself, becoming more an observer of the world than a participant.
You don’t feel bad but you don’t feel good either.
You don’t feel much of anything at all.
This can feel hopeless like you’re permanently damaged and unable to feel emotions normally.
However, it’s actually the first step toward approaching your trauma with a gentle and caring perspective.
Your body is trying to help you!
The underlying current of approval-seeking behavior is that you are somehow “not enough” without it.
This was a lie put into your heart, and it needs to be banished forever.
Our worth as human beings is not dependent on any of those things.
Resentment
This can build up over time, and it’s not about throwing objects or screaming.
Resentment’s key word is “should.”
(This bad thingshouldn’thave happened.
Peopleshouldhave behaved a different way.)
Essentially, we are living in a constant state of resistance to reality.
We need to be kind to ourselves and not feel any sort of shame for carrying this resentment.
All we need is the simple intention to release it, and it will begin to happen.
Judging and analyzing
This is a personality shift that happens slowly.
You hear nice words coming out of your mouth, but your thoughts are somewhere else entirely.
You find yourself obsessively analyzing everything others do, to the point that it becomes difficult to trust anyone.
You hyper-focus on behaviors, holding others (and yourself) to very high standards.
Once again, the key here is self-compassion.
Judging ourselves for being judgmental is an infinite loop that can only be broken by love.
You did not ask for this.
This is your body saying “no more.”
Instead of searching your memories, try feeling your feelings.
The good news is you’ve got the option to heal this stuff.
It may take months or years of practice, but finding love for yourself is a permanent solution.
