), and scenarios for role-play are endless.
But ultimately, we all know that there are really only so many ways to “do it.”
The constant seeking for novelty has to fail.
Focus on the emotional connection.
Most of us attempt to rekindle passion in our relationships on the wrong levelon the surface.
The wordpassioncomes from the Latin,passio-,“to suffer.”
Yet so many couples lose sight of this.
I wasn’t really there with her.
Sex was just a set of steps leading to an orgasm.
It was a dance, but there was no music, no emotion."
The motions happen, but there isn’t any joy to inspire and guide them.
Tune into the emotional music that’s already there.
This means slowing down and listening for the signals coming from your partner.
when we are in bed."
The specific emotion here is “longing.”
That’s why Sam explained to Linda, “I don’t just want an orgasm.
I want to feel desired, longed for.”
Of course, the other word that stands out here isplay.
It’s hard to watch your back and really get caught up in pleasurable sensation at the same time.
Feeling desired, having our desires met, and more passion!
Share with each other.
Did you know that sharing is a great springboard into passionate sex?
One of Sam and Linda’s former problems in their sex life was actually an emotional problem: sharing.
He explained, “Confiding in Linda was something that I used to avoid at all costs.”
A huge aspect of having passionate sex is honesty, trust, and general emotional openness.
Now, Sam and Linda are in a different place.
He explained, “When we share deeper stuff, it takes sex to a whole new level.”
And it’s even easier to forget that there is a profound connection between honesty and passionate sex.
We can literally choose to fall into passionate love again and again by reprioritizingopen and honest communication.
Maybe this is why those who report that most thrilling sex are not the one-night-stand aficionados but long-term lovers.
Pay total attention to the mating dance.
Passion is work; there’s no doubt about it.
And perhaps ironically, honoring the importance of “play” itself actually requires quite a bit of work.
But of course, the definition of “work” here doesn’t mean it’s unpleasant or rote.
It implies allowing yourself to become fully engaged and tuned into an activity.
Paying attention to your needs, to your lover’s needs, and communicating them is work.
And this work is 100% essential for a passionate sex life.
Most animals who mate and stay together engage in a mating dance.
It was a perfect, coordinated, totally synchronized dance.
The swans were oblivious to me coming nearer and nearer because they only had eyes for each other.
Linda, for instance, explained to me, “I thought I was bored in bed with Sam.
But I was just busy worrying about being sexy and seething about our fights.
Now I realize that I just wasn’t paying attention!”
All this reminded me of a moment when I was learning Argentine Tango.
One night, I danced with a new andveryexperienced partner.
He suddenly stopped in the middle of the crowded floor and said, “What are you doing?”
“Dancing,” I replied.
You are not with me, and you are not feeling the rhythm of this music.
You don’t have to prove how good you are to me.
Just stay with me, tune in, and let the feeling move youlet my signals move you.
The dance is not the steps.
It’s how we are together."
In other words, my dancing partner explained the essence of truly passionate love to me.
Don’t just hear the music in your relationship.
And, of course, dance your heart out to it!
