that I had suddenly become a 40-year-old single mother of three without any plans for my future.)
I had to deal with the raw emotional pain that would trap me until I dealt with it.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to move on to a fulfilling relationship before I did that.
At some point, I realized I was done.
I had faced my demons.
And while my past would always be a part of me, I was truly ready to move forward.
That’s the only way to escape the ending of our last failed relationship.
Dig in the dirt.
The grieving process involved ingetting over a breakupcan be lengthy and painful.
But there is so much necessary growth waiting for you in the time after a breakup.
you’ve got the option to’t skip the hard part and go right to Phase 2.
This is the task you have to complete before leveling up.
Love yourself more than you ever thought possible.
Take it from me: This is 100% true 100% of the time.
We attract people who will treat us only as well as we treat ourselves.
Over time they will begin to reflect our own limitations and flaws.
Self-love needs to happen consistently on the physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional levels.
Here’s what that looks.
Physical self-love:
Begin by listening to, then responding to and respecting the needs of the body.
Create a nurturing inner sanctuary where you feel safe.
Learn what your body requires through exercise, diet, and rest to maintain balance.
Commit to giving it the nutrients that it needs to thrive.
Emotional self-love:
Bring deep self-compassion and kindness to your wounds.
Understand how you contributed to the relationship’s dissolution.
Examine the pain that arises from your childhood.
Get therapy or divorce coaching.
This can be accomplished through meditation, journaling, and spending quiet moments in nature.
Create the life of your dreams by connecting to a vision that reflects your worthiness and lovability.
Find confidence in your purpose.
Make a commitment to follow those passions, no matter what (or who) comes along.
Learn what a healthy relationship looks like, and take your time.
After being married or in a long-term relationship, its easy to idealize the next person you date.
There are wonderful resources that can help clarify what a healthy relationship requires.
That allows you to avoid relying on a partner to give you something you lack.
When you do decide to date again, approach it as an adventure rather than a burden.
Prepare yourself as much as possible, then let go, have fun, and trust the process.
You get to choose whether you will date a little or a lot.
Learn what you might want in a future partner by meeting people and having fun.
More than anything, dating is an opportunity to be exposed to new thoughts, environments, and lifestyles.
We can approach dating as a fun challenge.
How can we get to know what really makes the other person tick?
Most importantly, we can enjoy the process of noting how we feel when we are around this person.
Is there a lightness and joy or ananxious pit in our stomachs?
Is there ease or awkwardness?
Are there feelings that something is just “not right”?
Practice non-attachment, rely on your personal support system, and stay curious about other people’s worlds.
Learning how they fit in with yours can be a joyful process rather than a painful one.
The bottom line.
Now, after three years of healing from divorce and casually dating, I’m in a new relationship.
I can attest to the fact that entering into a long-term commitment isnt the endgameits just the beginning.
It will bring up our vulnerabilities and fears like nothing else can.
