In many ways, healthy romantic relationships encourage us to relax into them.
And that’s where trouble can start to fester.
There are many ways to describe the practice of cataloging one’s thoughts to improve a relationship.
To love yourself is to know yourself, which means you’ve got to study.
Create a personal textbook of your interior life by hitting down what was on your mind each day.
You don’t have to share with your partner, and, in fact, you probably shouldn’t.
You’re justusing the journalto regulate your own thoughts and reflect on your habits.
Meditate
Meditation takes many forms, and the specifics of your preferred style aren’t so important.
Develop and share a hobby.
But it’s tough to stay excited about a person who’s come to represent relief in your mind.
Engage in self-growth together.
Institute phone and screen rules.
No, we’re not going to lecture you on how screens are always terrible.
And that’s easier said than done.
That being said, keep the texting banter alive.
And we don’t mean “what do you want for dinner?”
You’ll have more material because you were actively listening!
Change up how you initiate sex.
Change up when you have sex.
Build anticipation and get flirty.
What you want to do is break up the routine.
This will keep your partner curious about the possibilities, and it will increase your own capacity for arousal.
Get excited about your appearance.
When we find another person attractive, we often give ourselves away by improving our grooming habits.
Get ready for date night.
One tried-and-true way to show up in a relationship is to treat it like it’s new.
Share secrets and confide in your partner.
Take in art together.
Sometimes, staying present in a relationship is as simple as generating new conversation fodder.
Try taking in art in a form the two of you don’t typically seek out.
No matter the medium, art has a stimulating effect on audiences.
And that’s your goal when you enliven a relationship: stimulating yourselves simultaneously.
Read the same book.
Plan something ahead of time.
Ask the day-to-day questions.
You still need to ask them what’s up.
Ask the big questions, too.
When was the last time you initiated a conversation with your partner by askingan open-ended question?
Asking about meta, heady topics will keep the conversation alive.
When you and your partner get too in the weeds, you forget the bigger picture.
Then be an active listener.
You’ll be surprised where the conversation goes.
Take a PTO or personal day together.
Or, hell, pick a random Wednesday and sleep in for a few hours.
See a matinee or pick a nearby town to explore.
Go to the grocery store and pick up ingredients to make something you’ve never tried to make.
Say (or think) “thank you” every day.
You reap the same benefits by just letting the gratitude occur to you privately.
Learn to say no and maintain boundaries.
Practice giving your partner a simple no on a low-stakes request.
Let your other options fade away.
Be on time as much as possible.
This one is literally about showing up.
Don’t make your partner feel like thisbe on time.
Go on double dates.
If your coupled-up friends are nitpicky with each other, that’s something you andyourpartner can discuss later.
“We’d never act like that,” it’s possible for you to say to each other.
Kiss more.
Remember when you and your partner first started dating, and the very act of kissing felt brand-new again?
That’s because kissing allows us to connect with our partneron a deep, chemical level.
Do something thrilling or scary.
If you and your partner are searching for offbeat date ideas, consider trying something that spooks you both.
The former happens naturally with time, but the latter can sometimes require a jump-start.
These are simply a few ways you might boost feelings of romance in your relationship by simply showing up.