Ever had someone in your life who dragged you down or made you doubt yourself?
It’s very possible you were dealing with a toxic relationship.
We’ve all heard the term, but what does it really mean?
And more importantly, what can be done about it?
What is a toxic relationship?
“They can be emotionally, psychologically, or physically abusiveor all of those things,” she says.
Certain themes, like codependency and narcissism, are also common in toxic relationships.
These relationships can leave you doubting your own reality, your own values, and your sense of self-worth.
Signs of a toxic relationship:
You’re constantly sacrificing your own needs.
Toxic relationships can result in a lot of self-abandonment, Behary explains.
You feel erased or invisible.
With enough self-abandonment, you’ll begin to feel like you’re losing yourself.
You may feel erased, invisible, or unfamiliar to yourself.
You may find yourself doing things you never thought you would, doubting yourself and your values.
It’s lonely.
“Toxic relationships are very lonely,” Behary says.
(Here’s more onwhy you might feel lonely in a relationship.)
You bring out the worst in each other.
Healthy relationshipsbring out the best in both partners.
Toxic ones will do the opposite.
“Some people are just horrible matches for each other,” Melamed notes.
“Some people just bring out something in the other person that is just horrific.”
Spending time with them leaves you drained.
“Consistentmeans this is how you feel more often than not after hanging out with this person.
This is key.”
There’s uneven give and take.
One or both partners are controlling.
Jealousy is a frequent issue.
Where there is controlling, there is often jealousy.
Toxic relationships often stem from insecurity or a need to control certain situations.
Jealousy can manifest from these behaviors and patterns.
You feel isolated.
Thisenmeshmentcan sometimes feel like closeness and bonding, when in reality it stems from unhealthy codependence.
There are issues like substance abuse or unchecked mental health.
When this happens, the other partner may tiptoe around it or even enable it.
There’s a lack of respect.
Emotional or psychological abuse.
Physical abuse.
One of the more common forms of psychological abuse that directly links with narcissism and toxic relationships is gaslighting.
(Here aresigns of gaslighting in relationships.)
you’ve got the option to’t communicate effectively.
Partners in a toxic relationship will find it nearlyimpossible to work through disagreements.
Resentment of the other person.
And that’s usually their own sense of self-worth."
It’s cyclical.
Yet for some reason, you’re able to’t walk away (yet).
One person makes all the decisions.
Research showspower imbalances between couplescan cause significant strain on the relationship.
Your friends and family don’t approve.
Lastly, trust your community.
Physical symptoms and effects.
Toxic relationships can also cause serious health issues due to thesheer stress they put the body under.
“That’s because, in a toxic relationship, the emotional becomes the biological.”
These issues include but aren’t limited to:
Anxiety and depression.
Depression is at play too."
Weight loss or appetite changes.
Stress causes inflammation1that’s no secret.
Weakened immunity.
Stress and inflammation also both lower your immunity, Melamed says.
Research has shown that high levels of stress can actuallystir dormant infections, such as herpes2.
Sleeping troubles.
“Sleep deprivation can even be used to control other people,” Melamed adds.
Increased risk of heart attack and stroke.
Yes, it really goes that far.
What causes toxic relationships?
So, what’s the underlying cause of these kinds of relationships?
For this reason, it’s important to reflect on what we saw growing up.
Can a toxic relationship be fixed?
Yes, though it takes a lot of work, both individually and as partners.
She and Behary both agree, a third party like a couples' therapist will likely be necessary.
“It will require professional help and even then there’s no guarantee,” Behary adds.
Here’s a step-by-step guide onhow to fix a toxic relationship.
How to leave a toxic relationship.
Depending on how deeply you two are invested (i.e., are you married, dating, have children?
), how you get out of the relationship will vary.
The bottom line.
Either way, there are always lessons to be gained.
