What is a situationship?
A situationship is an undefinedromantic relationshipthat exists somewhere in between a casual hookup and a committed relationship.
The connection may also feel circumstantial, convenient, uncommitted, uncertain, ambivalent, and potentiallynonmonogamous.
Because a situationship typically exists in murky territory, it’s also common to experience apprehension.
To be clear, situationshipsand otherlabel-free relationshipsare not inherently bad.
It can be empowering to center yourself and take your time getting to know someone.
Situationship vs. dating.
Dating and situationships can look and feel the same because the parties aren’tlabeling their relationship.
Situationships vs. friends with benefits.
“Friends-with-benefitsis closely similar to a situationship.
However, it’s important to note that it will vary for many people.
Some situationships involve sweeping declarations of love, vacations together, and involving each other in your lives.
Some may look more like an ongoing booty call.
A situationship is like the Wild West.
Everyone’s making up their own rules as they go, which can make the dynamic feel unpredictable.
As a result of the inconsistency, it can be hard to feel grounded.
Otherwise they either turn into a relationship eventually, or they fade out.
It’s not exclusive until you’ve discussed it.
Don’t assume exclusivity until you’ve clearly discussed it.
Being truthful about what you both expect helps you manage your emotions better.
Plus, it allows you to get clear about your needs and wants.
Normal “relationship” expectations don’t apply automatically unless discussed.
That said, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want!
Caring about each other is still expected.
You may not be technically dating, but it’s possible for you to still exhibit care toward them.
Can a situationship turn into a relationship?
If you want to progress the situationship, it’s essential you speak up for yourself.
They might not reciprocate your feelings, but at least you know with conviction where you both stand.
This can look like revisiting expectations, going on dates, and communicating your new desires together.
When a situationship works.
I’ve had a successful situationship before.
On his end, he wasn’t interested in dating someone who didn’t live in his area.
A situationship was exactly what we were looking for.
Cooper shares other life situations where a situationship can make sense:
When a situationship becomes toxic.
“A situationship can turn toxic if the roles and expectations are not outlined initially.
Over time, this can increase game-playing and toxic behaviors as you look for some reaction.
This could look like withholding information or being passive-aggressive.
What to do if you’re in a situationship.
If you’re looking to have a mutually beneficial situationship, honesty is the most crucial rule.
Be realistic about your motives.
It’s important to be honest with yourself about your motivations for being in the situationship, says Cooper.
Respect each other’s boundaries.
You know what works best for you more than anyone else, so advocate for yourself.
Schafer recommends being clear about what you want in the situationship.
“What do boundaries look like to you and your partner?
Do you both agree to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy?
Or do you want to know what they’ve got going on in their intimate life?
Maybe you agree on a no-sleepover rule or to never meet one another’s families,” she says.
Think about why you want the situationship in the first place.
“Are you afraid of the trust and risk involved in a more committed relationship?
Do you feel unworthy of a committed relationship?
These feelings might be worth exploring in a therapeutic setting,” Cooper says.
Be kind.
Kindness can look like being upfront in your time together.
Being a kind dater invites generosity into the relationship, resulting in more beautiful moments and memories together.
Leave when it’s no longer serving you.
What did you get out of it?
What did you learn about yourself?
How did it help inform what you want in your next relationship?
Red flags that your situationship isn’t going anywhere.
Situationships can work for some people exactly as they are.
Others see situationships as a period that should lead to a committed relationship.
“One of the big red flags of a situationship is that all communication is inconsistent.
You feel like a secret.
It’s one thing to be private; it’s another thing to feel like you are being hidden.
It’s only about sex.
“Another red flag is that the relationship is only physical and only revolves around sex.
Do you spend your time together in long deep conversations or do you spend time only having sex?”
You don’t talk about the future.
“Do you know if there has been any discussion of plans together in the future?
FAQ:
Are you exclusive in a situationship?
Situationships are unique because you’re not tethered to the usual norms andstages of a traditional relationship.
You’re not exclusive in a situationship unless you’ve had a conversation explicitly saying so.
Until you get to that point, it’s best not to make any assumptions.
Ask to be exclusive if that’s what you want.
Is it unhealthy to be in a situationship?
How long is a situationship supposed to last?
Situationships can last for a few days, weeks, months, or even years.
