For many people, it takes a little longer to get in the mood, and that’s OK. How do you balance them?
Research suggests womentend to be way more context-dependent2than men are.
We want the mood set.
Bring on the candles, the sunset lamps, and the slow jams.
“We experience pleasure through all five senses,” Parris tells mbg.
“Take time to create the situations that stimulate all five.”
Get in your head.
Part of turning yourself on involves knowing what works for you.
Start with the general and then move into the specifics.
Let go of that to-do list.
Get your to-do list out of your head to keep it from hitting your brakes.
Play that sensual playlist.
Our senses are very involved in how we enjoy pleasure, and sound is ever-so-important.
Daydream into pleasure.
If you’re a visual creature, you understand the power of a good old-fashioned daydream.
A fantasy so rich and so vivid, it takes you to great heights all on its own.
There may be a scenario that you know for a fact makes you feel some pop in of way.
Watch porn.
When in doubt, watching other people have sex is a tried-and-true way of turning yourself on.
Find the kind of porn that works for you, and get into it.
Listen to sexy audio.
Try sexting.
(If you’ve never tried it before, it’s never too late to learnhow to sext.)
Better yet, send dirty voice recordings.
Exchanging voice recordings back and forth where you engage indirty talkis like a gold mine for sexual fantasy.
Sometimes simply talking about what gets you going, well, gets you going.
Scroll through erotic fiction.
Not everyone likes to listen to other people moaning and seductively whispering in their ears.
Fortunately, there are some incredible erotic-lit platforms likeASSTRandNovel Trovethat do justice to the sensual space.
It’s people writing and sharing hot stories they’ve thought up.
And as you already know, imagination is a powerful thing.
Take a sensually conscious shower.
A sensual shower (or bath!)
can be a real turn-on.
Use your fingers and a little water to start the magic.
The feeling of wet, naked skin as you caress your body (or theirs)?
Sponge or loofah can be a nice addition, but hands-only tends to be particularly steamy.
Touch yourself, slowly.
Part of knowing what you like is understanding how different kinds of touch feel to your body.
Confidence in your body and in your skin is one of the hugestturn-ons for people with vulvas.
Run your hands along your body, and feel the sensations that course through you with every touch.
Don’t think of anything else.
Just be there in your amazing body and appreciate how good physical touch can feel.
Move your body.
Sexual contextsdon’t just pop out of thin air.
Or they appear, and we’re open to letting them in.
Turn on a song that gets you moving and just dance.
Wear something you feel good in.
Something that makes your body happy.
Create a pleasure menu.
The goal is to sit with yourself and truly think about what brings you pleasure in life.
In what kind of scenarios are you more likely to let yourself enjoy pleasure?
Outside surrounded by nature?
In a hotel room for the weekend?
This helps you set yourself up for pleasure by taking away as many brakes as possible.
Taking your foot off the brakes is a process, sometimes a slow one.
There is no quick fix to turning yourself on.
It’s not how you get into music, and it’s not how you get into sex.
