Ive done numerous interviews and talks about what makes for a successful relationship.
In other words, love is more complicated than we often believe.
Love is a feeling.
And like any feeling, it can come and go sometimes unexpectedly.
Loving, however, is a skill set, and one you could develop.
At its beginning, romantic love is passionate and exciting so enjoy the ride.
We need other (less exciting) information to select a partner wisely.
We tend to commit to those we think are like us.
And we move into a power struggle dynamic soon thereafter because we find out theyre different.
Then we make a run at change our lover into the person we thought they were or should be.
That is the cause of so, so many conflicts I see in relationships.
Nobody can change another person.
You may get compliance and agreement, but they wont last.
Learning to practicethe art of acceptanceis an effort far more worth your while.
We often look out and see what our partner is doing wrong.
But any change we seek has to come from within us.
Relationships are an inside job.
Waiting for your partner to change isn’t the same thing as patience.
To be actually patient (with yourself), learn to accept your partner.
To find the right person is to be the right person.
Feeling good in your own skin is the foundation of a healthy relationship, period.
All couples have some irresolvable issues.
Nourishing the relationship doesn’t happen on its own.
Giving and giving without receiving is a recipe for burnout.
Not only should there be mutual giving in the relationship, but confirm to give yourself love, too.
Peopleused toneed relationships to survive and to keep the species alive.
Now, by contrast, we are with particular partners by choice.
So honor the power of your choice.
The #1 complaint in couples therapy is “Im not in love with my partner anymore.
But once again: love is a feeling.
It comes and it goes, and is never constant.
Good relationships have bad seasons and also dull ones.
Most often, the feeling returns so don’t be in despair if you feel the ebb and flow.
Its normal for sex to slow down and sometimes seem to disappear in long-term relationships.
Tofallin love takes a moment.
Tolearnto love takes a long time and is the most valuable thing we can learn in our lifetime.
Ive been with my husband for thirty years of a (mostly) terrific marriage.
In some ways I feel my own life experience are my most important credentials.
