For some, being singlewhen you don’t necessarily want to becan be a stressful time.
These feelings and fears are valid, but take that time to work on yourself.
Because in my practice, fulfilling relationships are created when two individuals are independently ready to find love.
What does it mean to be ready to find love?
Being an adult doesn’t mean you have to have everything together.
You know what you want in a partner.
You don’t just think, “I want a partner who is intelligent.”
Know that when youdefine what it is that you want, you’ll find it.
You’re the right kind of selfish.
You prioritize your self-care.
It’s a myth that we need to place our partners above ourselves.
You know yourself.
You know what lights you up.
You know what pisses you off.
You know that soy milk makes you queasy.
Why does this matter?
You aren’t looking for anyone to fix you.
You have priorities, goals, and hobbies.
Maybe you enjoy cooking or collecting comic books.
You aren’t waiting around to be “saved” because you might save yourself.
More importantly, you aren’t expecting someone to fix you because you know you aren’t broken.
You aren’t trying to fix anyone.
You have baggage, and so will your partner.
You are emotionally and physically available.
Have you created space in your life for a partner?
No, that doesn’t mean a drawer in your dresser.
It means you are willing and able togive and receive love.
You’re prepared to close one door before you open another.
Bluntly put, you’re willing to stop sleeping around (or whatever your emotional/behavioral equivalent) and commit.
People who are good partners are the ones who actually want to be in a relationship.
You’re a good listener.
you might take in what your friend sayswithout simultaneously contemplating your rebuttal.
you might muster the self-control to not interrupt your mother mid-sentence.
This goes well beyond being able to listen to others to include actually being present.
You communicate productively.
There’s a big difference between communication andproductive communication.
You state how you feel without playing games or being passive-aggressive.
You know how to express what you want rather than just harping on what you don’t want.
You’re OK with being flawed (even if you don’t like it).
You’re willing to open yourself up, be vulnerable, and occasionally look like an idiot.
You know the meaning of equality.
It means that you’re willing to let things average out over the course of the relationship.
You like to win, but it’s OK if you don’t.
Your conflict style eases.
When you fight with people, you should be fighting to make progress rather than to win.
You know how to apologize.
You might not like apologizing, but you knowhow to do it.
You don’t make excuses or make a run at cajole others into taking responsibility for your issues.
You own it sincerely without making excuses.
You then learn from it.
You cultivate gratitude.
Nobody wants a partner who takes them for granted.
