Confidenceeveryone wants it, and we can easily spot it in others.
But when it comes to summoning our own confidence, it can feel like an impossible task.
The good news is this sense of confidence isn’t as elusive as it might feel.
There are ways to develop self-confidence.
Where confidence comes from.
Confidence is self-trust in your skills, choices, and values.
“Often we enter into the world with an abundance of self-confidence.
Low self-confidence can feel like being unable to handle other people’s criticisms ordifficulty trusting yourselfand others.
The great thing is, every moment is a chance to build evidence toward your self-confidence.
This is in contrast to extroverts, who prefer to engage with other people.
(Here’s aquick quiz to find out if you’re an introvert or extrovert.)
What causes low confidence?
Just as you might build positive self-confidence, there are things that can erode it.
You may feel very confident in math because you were socialized and praised to succeed in your academic studies.
13 ways to build confidence:
Figure out where your lack of confidence stems from.
Finding the root cause for low self-confidence can provide a map of how to build up more positive self-confidence.
A good place to start is through self-reflection and journaling.
Understand what self-confidence feels like for you.
Take some time to figure out what confidence feels like in your body.
Perhaps you will start speaking up more at work.
You might finally wear that outfit you’ve always wanted to.
You may even introduce yourself to your crush at your co-working space.
This is your personal measurement of confidence.
Align with yourself.
Where is this “should” coming from?
Many of the “shoulds” in life stem from cultural or familial expectations.
You have the power to reclaim your life at any point.
Start small.
Most of us don’t like experiencing a ton of change at once.
A very important key for self-improvement work is starting small.
“And the key word issmall.
Do things that are a stretch but also realistic for you.
Adopt a growth mindset.
This adds the qualifier that you are in the process of gaining skills to become confident.
So it’s worth exploring your new growth mindset with like-minded people.
Rarely do you ever get to hear about people’s accounts of failure.
I truly believe that self-confidence comes from our own thoughts about our abilities rather than external achievements.
So that regardless of whether we succeed or fail, we have the power to retain our self-confidence.”
Stand up to your inner critic.
But there comes a point when this feedback no longer serves your current life.
Standing up to those old criticisms can unlock a new level of confidence.
“Confidence can also be built by rewriting the narratives in our heads about our worthiness.
This involves identifying self-limiting beliefs and reframing them,” Shanmugavelayutham explains.
Understand that emotions and feelings are temporary.
You have to go all the way through the darkness to get to the light at the end.”
Emotions go through a cycle of beginning, middle, and end.
Although emotions can feel really intense in the moment, they are only temporary.
At the very basic level, emotions are physiological responses to stimuli in your environment.
If your Wi-Fi goes out right before your work presentation, you may experience an acute pang of stress.
If you receive a surprise package from your sister, you may be overcome by heartfelt joy.
If you get a text from your ex, you may feel a sharp streak of hot sadness.
Whatever the stimuli and paired emotion, they’re all data points to inform your next action step.
Once it subsides, you could make your next move.
As the saying goes, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
Focus on what you’re able to control.
Take, for example, when you’re working on a presentation, she says.
“Remind yourself of these things consistently and repeatedly until they become your new beliefs,” she adds.
And remember: Building confidence builds more confidence.
Build a like-minded community around you.
Research suggeststhat our views of ourselves are usually inaccurate.
Whether you underestimate or overestimate your abilities, you could’t create a more accurate level of self-confidence in isolation.
you oughta interact with your environment, hobbies, and other people to build confidence.
Curating an intentional environment to develop your budding confidence is crucial.
Share your experience with a few close friends who are on the same self-development journey.
Take a break from social media.
Cultivate compassion.
Cultivating a sense of self-compassioncan help you to sympathize with yourself when you experience difficulties in life.
“Compassion is key in cultivating self-confidence,” Eskandani says in an email interview.
“Holding on to past ‘mistakes’ or ‘failures’ really affects how confident we are.
“There are many ways to build self-confidence.
One approach involves processing and uprooting the formative experiences that may have contributed to a negative sense of self.
The benefits of boosting your confidence.
It gives us the fuel we need to try new things and take risks,” Shanmugavelayutham says.
“Confidence in one area can beget confidence in other areas,” Shanmugavelayutham adds.
“Confidence has even been proven to be a higher predictor of performance than competence!”
For example, a manager may praise your event-planning abilities because your efforts also make her job easier.
The bottom line.
However, reclaiming that self-confidence is possible and worth every effort for living a more fulfilling life.
