We are all wired to protect ourselves, and this can lead to defensive behavior.
Here are 12 truths about defensiveness that can help us better understand this self-protecting impulse.
What is defensive behavior?
Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation.
Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn.
Getting defensive in response to disruptions like these in your relationship is natural.
How can I make this situation better?"
or “What would you prefer I do next time?”
The two most important steps of an “ideal conflict” are protest and repair.
If your partner is giving you criticism that is making you feel defensive, can you express why?
And we’re rewarded because each thing they say and doactivates the connection center of our brain.
We view their actions, intentions, and language through the lens of our positive vision.
Yet withdrawal and disconnection are what continue to create trouble.
At the heart of our vulnerability lies the feeling that we’ve beenhurt by someone we love.
How do you silence your inner-lawyer’s constant stream of counterarguments?
In regards to defensive behavior, some people are just more prone to it.
Some people have nervous systems that respond more frequently and intensely to sensory stimulation.
They may have a more exaggerated startle response than other people do, even in the same family.
They may often hear themselves described as “too sensitive” or “thin-skinned.”
Experiment with viewing the situation from different vantage points.
Remember this when you’re thinking of burying issues under the rug instead of dealing with them.
Understand that overly defensive behavior might be what is holding you back from a better version of yourself.
