What is cheating?
There is no universal definition for cheating because every relationship has its own set of parameters and norms.
Everyone, including people inethical nonmonogamous relationships, can experience cheating.
However, there are eyebrow-raising behavioral patterns that could indicate infidelity.
“It’s usually multiple behaviors that would give you the sign.”
Cheating is defined by its shadiness.
Address your suspicion head-on because you’re able to only understand shadiness by turning on the light.
This can be especially helpful for partners who havedifferent attachment styles.
“If someone is anxious/avoidant and another person is secure, they might feel neglected,” Williams says.
“They might not have the skills to communicate what they need or what they’re not getting.”
But when their routine changes and you don’t know why, it could be a sign of cheating.
(Or at least that there’s something they’re not telling you.)
Their spending habits don’t add up
When in doubt, follow the money.
After all, “how people spend money changes when affairs start,” Williams says.
One survey found thatpeople spent an average of $444 per monthto maintain their romantic affairs.
Their sexual appetite decreases
Intimacy in relationshipschanges over timeand experiences peaks and valleys.
Psychopaths aremore likely to lie and disregard social codes.
Narcissists and sociopaths, meanwhile, tend to bemore relaxed about their own cheating3.
They’ve been unfaithful in the past
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Plenty of people learn their lesson after infidelity and never cheat again.
Doesthis memehit a little too close to home?
Have they started replacing your Friday night date nights with long evenings at the bar with friends?
Are they listening to different kinds of music?
These could be signs that your partner has met someone who is introducing them to new things.
You propose something else and are met, again, with disinterest.
Williams stresses that date nights are also important in keeping the spark of your relationship alive.
And we get vulnerable."
Cheating looks out onto a long road to recovery, but it isn’t impossible to walk.
And yes, some relationships bounce back stronger than ever (but not without some very hard work).
“You’ve been abandoned.
You’ve been uprooted.
You’ve been blindsided.
You’ve been ashamed.
You feel hopeless, devastated, violated, sometimes emotionally exhausted,” Williams says.
Have self-compassion
It’s not your fault that someone cheated on you, period.
Practice self-cafe
Self-care is more important than ever during crises.
Go outside andtake meditative walks.Journal about your feelingsand anger.
Takeextra care of yourselfwhile you’re struggling with infidelity to give yourself the best chance of healing.
Be direct and share your concern with them.
Don’t accuse themgive them a chance to explain the situation.
If they lie to you, then share your evidence with them.
“With the evidence right there in front of them, they’ll realize that their hands are tied.
There’s nowhere to run and there’s nowhere to hide,” LaRusso says.
Is the person who cheated feeling regret and remorse?
Are they taking the necessary steps to help their partner feel safe again?
How will both parties work on healing, individually and together?
Marriage, children, and finances all factor into the decision.
Both partners should seek individual counseling, Williams says, to work through the trauma of cheating.
