Good conversation on a first date can sometimes be elusive.
There’s a lot happening at once!
Things to talk about on a first date:
Start with casual, contextual conversation.
Don’t feel like you have to jump right into an inquisition as soon as a first date starts.
The deeper conversations will come more naturally once you’ve established a bit of a foundational rapport between you.
Ask what their day or week has been like.
This might seem like a boilerplate question, but don’t let it be.
Asking about what’s going on in their life currently is a great way to tap into that.
Example questions:
Talk about what’s really happening in your world.
Likewise, bring up the things that are presently top of mind foryou.
Dating coachClara Artschwagerrecommends bringing your full, messy, imperfect self into your dates.
People generally enjoy being around those who are willing to be open and vulnerable, Artschwager points out.
That makesyouwant to open up, whether you realize it or not," she recently told mbg.
“That’s when we’re like, this is aniceinteraction.
This is aniceconversation.”
Bring up something from their dating profile.
eHarmony.com
Notice and ask about the small details.
Then, comment on and validate the things that you’re hearing and noticing about them.
Compliment themgenuinely.
Ask how they feel about their job.
Their job will probably come up organically at some point in the conversation.
“What excites them about their job?
What doesn’t excite them about their career?
What are their dreams for the future?
What did they want to be as a kid?
Ask what things they’re passionate about these days.
Talking about work won’t light everyone up, and people are so much more than their job titles.
So, find ways to ask about all the other ways that people choose to spend their time.
Ask how the last few years have affected them.
Learn about their family life.
Ask what they’re looking for from dating right now.
What not to talk about.
There are a few ways to avoid awkward silences:
Ask thoughtful follow-up questions.
When your date tells you something, validate what they said (“that’s cool!
Don’t jump from topic to topic too quickly.
Name the awkwardness.
The truth is, awkward silences happen.
Sometimes your mind just goes blank, and you could’t think of what to say next.
Enjoy the silence.
Silence doesn’t always have to be a bad thing.
Check in with your surroundings.
What interesting things are happening in the space around you?
For example, “God, this breeze feels so good.
I really enjoy afternoons like this.”
Or, “Ooh, what do you think that couple over there is talking about?”
The takeaway.
And remember: Dates should be fun!
