The term “toxic” gets thrown around a lot these daysbut what does it actually mean?
What does it mean to be toxic?
Some do it knowingly, such asdark personality types(yourpsychopaths,narcissists,sociopaths, Machiavellians, etc.
), which are often correlated withtoxic traits, she adds.
That said, some people can have toxic traitswithout necessarily realizingthe effect they’re having on other people.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
“All they want is to make you squirmthey thrive on that,” Neo says.
(If you notice it’s happening to you, here’show to deal with gaslighting.)
Unsupportive
Does this person support your goals and dreams?
Are they happy for you when something goes right in your life?
Are they interested in your wants and needs?
If the answer to these questions is no, Spinelli says, that’s a toxic person.
“They are depleting and leave you feeling exhausted,” Spinelli says.
Neo concurs: “They create stress, depletion, and negativity to those around them.”
Power dynamics
According to Spinelli, toxic people are likely to create a power dynamic.
(See:one-sided friendships.)
“They will do their ultimate best to isolate you from people in your life,” she adds.
Inciting drama
Toxic people want to make you squirm.
So, Neo says, don’t be surprised when they can’t seem to resist starting a fight.
“Then they’ll tell you you’re being difficult or demanding,” Neo adds.
And remember, an apology without change is manipulation in its own right.
(Here’s theright way to apologize, for what it’s worth.)
How to deal with toxic people
So, what can be done about these toxic people?
Of course, sometimes we can’t avoid certain people, whether they betoxic family membersor co-workers.
In that case, it’s important to know your boundaries and stick to them, Spinelli says.
As Neo adds, sometimes we don’t realize we are indeed allowed to set firm boundaries.
So, don’t be afraid to do just that.
“This doesn’t mean you are not a compassionate person,” Spinelli adds.
“It means you are taking care of yourself and ensuring self-preservation.”
We don’t want to believe it, and we want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
