Have you ever been jealous in a relationship or friendship and wished the feeling would just…go away?
Heres how to stop being jealous and start feeling more at ease, according to experts.
What exactly is jealousy?
It can be triggered by someone else’s success, accomplishments, possessions, or relationships.
Theres no shame in experiencing jealousy, but it doesnt have to rule your relationships, either.
Why do I get jealous so easily?
If youre sensitive to betrayal, rejection, ordeal with trust issues, jealousy may become amplified as well.
According to a2022 study1inFrontiers in Psychology, both personality andattachment stylesare important predictors of jealousy.
Licensed counselorGreg Cheney, Ph.D., says that past life experiences matter, too.
Those who have experienced significant relationships as untrustworthy and unreliable may feel insecure in their relationships, he explains.
Bayard Jackson also calls out the importantdifference between jealousy and envy.
All too often, these words are used interchangeably, she says.
Are you jealous of their career success or new boyfriend?
Carve out time to reconnect with them.
Sometimes, jealousy is an indication that you simply miss beingclose to your friend.
If you feel jealous of a friends dating life, be curious and ask her how she does it.
Communicate with your friend about how youre feeling.
But if the friendship feels toxic or draining, distance yourself.
Havingtoxic friendsis no fun, and not all connections are for the best.
Practice gratitude.
This can help remind you of how much you have going for you and how far you’ve come.
But jealousy isnt just about you being insecureits because of a variety of factors, including your past.
Maybe you were cheated on before and now you dont trust that it wont happen again, Zabienski says.
In friendships and relationships alike, its crucial to unpack why youre feeling jealous in your relationship.
With this awareness, you might utilize mindfulness to manage feelings of jealousy.
Challenge your negative assumptions.
Recognize that these are thoughts generated by your mind and they arent necessarily based in fact.
Find ways to build trust and connection with your partner.
In romantic relationships, jealousy can be a sign of insecurity or lack of trust, Smith says.
To do this, aim to have open, honest conversations with your partner about whats on your mind.
Incorporatequality timeinto your schedules.
In moments of jealousy, take a stab at pause before reacting.
Jealousy can be a triggering emotion in the heat of the moment because it makes us feel threatened.
Move toward the emotion with curiosity and not away from it.
This may be hard to do in the moment and may need to take place after an intense experience.
Build up your self-esteem.
Relationships are a two-way street, and the responsibility shouldntjustbe on you to manage jealous emotions.
You already know your own worth and don’t need anyone else to validate it.
Although its impossible to avoid jealousy altogether, accepting your emotions andpracticing self-compassioncan help you through tough times.
This can take us out of the cycle ofshame and guilt.
Remember, everyone struggles with jealousy at some point, Hahn adds.
Once we name the different aspects of jealousy, it can work to deactivate the intensity, Hahn explains.
It can help to remember that jealousy is signaling something you want and care about, Zabienski adds.
You deserve to have what you want.
I will do my best to give it to you, she says.
FAQ:
What causes jealous behavior?
The experience is not one-size-fits-all, and jealousy presents differently for everyone.
But jealousy almost always signals an unmet need, whether in your relationship or in your life.
Is it normal to be jealous all the time?
Is jealousy toxic?
A life without jealousy impairing your most important relationshipscanbe realized, Cheney tells mbg.
It may just take some intentional, courageous steps with someone you trust to complete that journey.
Unremitting jealousy can be a sign of emotional and relational trauma from the past, she tells mbg.
At the end of the day, its entirely possible to manage jealous feelings and start enjoying your relationships.
