You talk, and talk, and talk, and … nothing changes.
In fact, you feel like anything you say makes the situation worse.
And you’re probably asking yourselfWhy wont s/he partner listen?
Why is s/he closed off and unreachable?
So you continue to verbally kick, scream, and cry out to be heard.
And still, it feels like youre talking to a brick wall.
Communication is one of the toughest parts of any relationship.
Speak concisely, then pause.
Less is more when trying to be heard.
Dont go on and on, trying to beat your point into the ground.
Say what you better say and then pause.
Let your words become absorbed by your partner before expecting a response.
Are you like most people when communicating with your partner?
That is, do you listen in anticipation of making your next point?
Or do you really tune in?
I suggest the latter.
When its your partners turn to speak, dont think about what youll say when hes done talking.
have a go at understand his/her perspective first before responding.
Know that you’re free to choose soothing language, even when making a point.
The second you escalate an argument is the second your partner stops listening.
But the way we approach articulating our feelings is a distinct choice from expressing the feelings themselves.
So use calming words to keep the conversation civil.
Speak from an I perspective.
The only person you might speak for is yourself.
Describe how youre feeling and what you want to have happen.
Dont be vague, and stay focused!
When you expect your partner to read between the lines and understand your feelings automatically, everyone loses.
Let’s face it: no one is a mind reader.
Refine your statements to be clear, concise, and focused on the matter at hand.
a pile of dirty dishes on a given morning).
Don’t globalize to make the conversation about your partner “always being so messy.”
Balance negative points with positive.
It’s really awesome and a part of why I love you.
Stay on point (without bringing up the past).
Leave them in the past or for another discussion.
Like I said in #5, keep the conversation focused on the points you want to address now.
Dont accuse or blame.
Playing the blame-game is a quick way to get your partner to shut off and stop listening.
S/hell be much more receptive to your message when he doesnt feel like hes sitting on a trial.
Its rare that fault ever lies solely on one persons shoulders.
If something is wrong, take ownership for your portion.
Agree to disagree, respectfully
Understand that you might not always agree, and that’s perfectly OK. At least you know youve voiced your perspective and opinions, and you were both heard in the process.
Everyone has disagreements, but they don’t have to drain all of your energy.
