Although these seem like negative feelings, jealousy in a relationship is not necessarily a bad thing.
Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?
What healthy jealousy can look like.
Someone is giving flirtatious vibes to your partner.
Say you’re at a party, standing with your partner.
Someone comes up and starts talking to them.
The person is giving your partner focused, intense eye contact and enthusiastically asking questions.
(Remember, flirting doesn’t have to be explicitly sexual.)
You’re left in the shadow of the conversation and feel jealous as a result.
This is totally natural.
So what to do about it?
Well, if you’re able to, in the context of the conversation, pipe in!
Odds are, your partner will pick up on your hope to shift gears.
If not, wait it out, and explain how you’re feeling once the other person has left.
I felt like they were giving you a lot of attention, and I felt left out."
From there, you’re free to hash it out and clarify expectations.
Your partner is giving flirtatious vibes to someone else.
But this situation is similar to the above.
If that feels forced or uncomfortable, simply bring it up to your partner after the conversation has ended.
Your partner is bragging when you’re in a rough place.
We want to feel happy for our partners when they succeed.
That said, there are extenuating circumstances.
Maybe you had a bad day at work.
Maybe you’re experiencing a bout of depression.
Maybe you’re sick.
You may even say something like, “Listen: I’m super happy for you about X.
But I’m just having a rough time right now.
Do you mind if we talk about it later?”
you could be happy and reassuring and also honest.
Your partner succeeded in something you are both pursuing.
Couples often pursue particular activities together.
You and your partner may decide to take up yoga.
But what happens when they get praise for their handstand in yoga class?
You may feel jealous.
I felt kind of jealous in yoga when the teacher complimented you.
Want to help me with my handstand?"
You aren’t being competitive or trying to outperform them.
You’re just being honest, and that will bring you closer.
Someone mentions something about your partner that you were unaware of.
Sometimes, you even feel like youdeserveto know everything about your partner’s life.
(Sometimes this can morph into codependency, which is actually not so healthy.)
You may feel jealous:Why does our friend know about her painting hobby and I don’t?
Again, it may be quite irrational.
She’ll either have a reason, or she won’tbut she probably didn’t intend to hurt you.
Your partner treats another activity like a second relationship.
It’s possible to feel like your partner is cheating on you with something other than a person.
We can’t assume others can read our minds.
Your partner goes on a trip or has an experience that you aren’t a part of.
Experiencesparticularly those involving travelcan make us feel transported, renewed, reborn even.
Tell your partner, “I’m so happy you had so much fun.
You may suggest doing a special activity or going on a trip together.
Your partner treats their friend(s) with tremendous attention.
Of course you’ll be a secondary (or tertiary) concern at times, and that’s fine.
Some people are OK with this kind of gesture.
But this is a pretty normal reason to feel jealous.
You want to feel like the center of your partner’s sexual attention.
Easy enough, right?
You feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate you.
This is a serious issue in your relationship and something you definitely need to raise with your partner.
But it’s arguably more urgent.
Open and honest communication is key.
It’s also important to explore your underlying feelings of worth, value, and acceptance of being loved.
The bottom line.
You should always feel appreciated in your relationship.
Feeling appreciated will ensure that jealousy is not a constant.
The way we communicate about these feelings is key.
